At Conference - Monday

I was part of a group from Hackney Labour Group who were presented with an award for best practice in campaigning today from Harriet Harman. This was a just reward for achieving massive turnouts in local elections (sometimes even exceeding the number of registered voters), with virtually nobody on the street in some places. We're not planning to tell anyone how we did it - especially after the Home Office told the CPS that there was no case to answer - as they'd all want a slice of the action. It was the first time I'd ever made it onto a stage anywhere, despite having my hand in the air to speak on many occasions in school assembly and as a conference delegate. Mind you, in fairness Miss did let me go to the toilet once during RE. While we're on the subject of small boys with ginger hair, Miles Cooper was jailed today, so I don't have to face any more policemen breaking down my front door at 3a.m. due to mistaken identity.

Today also saw Tory blogger Iain Dale publish his top 100 left-of-centre blogs list for 2007. I've gone up 25 places from 35th last year to number 10 this year. God only knows how I made it, with Bob Piper, Karen Cross and John Angliss on the judging panel. If I can do that well when I've slagged off every one of the judges either on my blog or on theirs, just imagine how well I'd do if I kept my trap shut.

Unfortunately for me I've had my usual electoral success in the NPF elections, trailing in fifth place for four seats. Mind you, it's very good news for Adele Reynolds who will no longer face the prospect of Tom Miller doing the unthinkable to her under the conference table.

I thought Gordon's speech was the most brilliant display of bluetongue disease. A successful stealing of Tory clothes and a rebuilding of the Middle Britain coalition that gave us two thumping landslide victories. Lashings of traditional Conservative values of aspiration, responsibility and patriotism, with 52 references to "Britain" and 28 to "British". It made me proud to be standing there, wrapped in my Union Jack. It was a monumental speech - 7,579 words with just two sentences containing the word "Blair", one about his work in the Middle East and one about his success in Northern Ireland. And they came 6,121 words into the speech. Still, probably all for the best. We need to move on.

Loved the bit about Lauriston Primary School. Well, I would, wouldn't I? I wrote it. Check out Gordon's visit. "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. We're surrounded by books here. It's wonderful, isn't it? There's books everywhere. Red, blue and yellow make... What is it? Does it begin with B? Ha, ha, ha. Yes... Brown."

Other highlights today were a rousing platform defence of the role of local government from Hazel Blears, using the sort of language that she would never have been allowed to get away with if she'd been elected Deputy Leader. Calling the gender imbalance in local councils "a disgrace", she cut neatly across the bows of Harriet Harman who is responsible for equalities and who was left with no option but to echo her words later in the day through gritted teeth. That'll teach Harman to win the election and give chipmunk such a bad mauling.

Last but not least we all had a jolly good laugh at fat comedian Quentin Davies doing a demolition job on David Macaroon. He so much reminded me of some of the boys I used to know in the Senior Common Room at school. A veritable bounder.