'Ere We Go, 'Ere We Go, 'Ere We Go

The General Election is announced on Monday.

Labour's fourth term.

An election landslide.

Paradise on earth.

Um...no seat for me.

No funds in the kitty for the campaign.

Labour Party goes into bankruptcy.

Oh s**t!

No... only kidding. Swraj Paul, Lakshmi Mittal and Gulam Noon fund the campaign without any consideration of "P"s and "K"s (Gulam's got a "K" already anyway). Cherie sells millions of copies of her autobiography and donates all profits to the Party. Hazel Blears takes over at The Treasury. Northern Rock becomes Britain's most successful bank. We win the war in Iraq. Osama bin Laden surrenders voluntarily and renounces violence. Nurses, train drivers and council workers accept a zero pay rise. Global warming is halted. Night night, Augustus. Sleep tight.