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Monday, March 03, 2008

Where Did I Go Wrong?

I've been a mate of Thicko's for years. Tom was my flatmate and boss (National Youth & Student Officer) when I was NOLS National Secretary a decade and a half ago. Now I'm stuck in a boring job, struggling to pay the mortgage on a crummy flat in Stoke Newington, raising a family and having to attend Hackney CLP meetings. Meanwhile, my former bunk-partner has done alright for himself, promoted to Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State at the Ministry of Defence until the unfortunate incident when the loyalist coup against Gordon Brown planned by me, Underpants Man and Pudding Man went squiffy and Thicko had to carry the can. Earning a decent salary, claiming reasonable expenses and enjoying the standard of living that should have been mine if only I'd managed to win an election. Doing well by being a thoroughly decent and respectable representative of the working man and woman. Or at least so I thought. Until I saw this:

Tell me it ain't soPublished by Paul Staines in his muckraking blog Knock Knock, Who's There? Guido Fawkes And I've Come To Blow You All Up, I'm sure this is all a pack of lies.

According to Staines, last year Watson pocketed his £60,000 salary and his parliamentary expenses amounted to £150,000+ – bringing his total package to £211,000 - making him the 73rd highest claiming MP out of 646 MPs.

He employs his wife Siobhan at the public's expense, his brother, Dan, is constituency director to Euro MP Michael Cashman, Dan Watson's wife, Joanna, has no fewer than three jobs.

Like her husband, she also works for Mr Cashman and for Wolverhampton Labour MP Pat McFadden, yet still finds time to be a Labour councillor in Sandwell. Amy Watson, cousin of Tom and Dan, works for Birmingham Northfield Labour MP Richard Burden. The West Midlands constituency Labour Party offices are packed with Watsons... The total annual cost to the taxpayer of the Watson family's five not-so-little piggies is in excess of £300,000. Far more than the disgraced Derek Conway fiddled...

I'm truly shocked by all this. Firstly, I can only reiterate that I'm certain it's not true. Secondly, if it is true then I'm sure that no rules relating to employment of relatives or the payment of expenses have been broken. And thirdly, I want to know where I went wrong. I'm still cycling to work.


Alexander said...

Brilliant, quite brillaint. Made me laugh out loud

wan kin (socialist) said...

Yeah but he doesn't have your dashing good looks, your glamorous wife and your status as a big, big fish (in an albeit small pond). He's just an ugly, fat, medium-sized fish (in a massive pond).

And I bet he doesn't have the inside knowledge of cluster bombs, like you have!

Anonymous said...

Great stuff. A 'big big fish?' - The dizzy heights of deputy chief whip...Bet you're relieved Mr Pipe hasn't asked you to be a Cabinet Member?

lord london fields lido said...

Anonymous, we already have two gargantuan egos in the cabinet (Messrs. Laing and Carswell). A third might actually cause Hackney to implode...