Hackney Groveller Spot The Difference Competition

The "Hackney Groveller" is offering a prize of a two-week all-inclusive package holiday in Pyongyang to the first Hackney resident who can spot the subtle difference between two almost identical pieces penned by local politicians this week and printed in tomorrow’s edition.

A Letter to The Groveller

A letter of sympathy to Yona Yahav, Mayor of Haifa, an Israeli city at the centre of the bombing campaign by Hezbollah in the escalating conflict in the Middle East:

Julian Pipe, Mayor of Hackney

"On behalf of the Speaker, elected members, and residents of Hackney, I would like to express our sympathy to the residents of Haifa during this difficult time. The council shares the horror and concern of the world at the recent events in the Middle East, and hopes that a peaceful solution can be found. Our thoughts are with the innocent victims and residents of all religions and backgrounds in Haifa and across the region that are affected by the current conflict."

A Speech in Parliament

A Hackney politician has condemned Israel's military offensive in Lebanon describing the continued bombing of innocent civilians as "approaching a war crime."

Diane Abbott, MP for Hackney North And Stokie

The condemnation followed the bombing by Israeli aircraft of a building in Qana in Lebanon which caused a building to collapse of top of dozens of civilians - many of them children who had been taking cover in the basement and which left over 60 dead. The politician called for an immediate and lasting ceasefire, telling MPs that "an effective ceasefire is one where the shooting stops, and if the shooting had stopped days ago, many hundreds of Lebanese men, women and children would still be alive and perhaps half a million Lebanese would not still be fleeing for their lives. Israel had a legitimate right to defend itself from missile threats, but said it wasn't clear how killing hundreds of civilians, forcing 500,000 people to flee, smashing bridges and roads, blockading the port and smashing the capital, Beirut, would make the Lebanon more stable.

MPs were reminded not to forget that similar action was being conducted by Israel against the Palestinian population in Gaza. The action Israel was taking in Lebanon "looked increasingly less like an attack on a terrorist organisation and more like an attack on a nation." The British government should demand a ceasefire from Israel and to use its influence in Washington to get America to put pressure on the Israelis.

Clearly the first author is a balanced, sensible, intelligent person whereas the second is a raving left-wing lunatic and almost certainly a Muslim fanatic bent on destroying our country and everything that we stand for in these great British islands.