Come Back Alastair, All Is Forgiven

As if we didn't have enough trouble with the press and media...

Regular readers will be only too aware that I have cause to complain from time to time about the "Hackney Groveller" and some of the insidious material that Editor Ferris Bueller allows the Archant rag to disseminate, such as (this and this and this).

But our PR problems here in Hackney are nothing compared to the storm that is brewing up for Prezza and for The Great Leader.

At times it can be difficult enough to put up with one Prezza - but the media has now added a further two in the shape of doppelgangers and wannabe actors John Henshaw and Howard Johnson.

As if we hadn't suffered enough with the very unamusing portrait of Blunkett in "A Very Social Secretary", Henshaw has apparently just completed filming "Confessions Of A Diary Secretary", a scurrilous mockumentary about Three Shags' third shag, Tracey Temple.

Howard Johnson is apparently due to appear as Three Shags in a Channel 4 drama series currently filming with a working title of "Ten Years Of Blair". I am at a complete loss to understand what anyone is going to find either interesting, informative or amusing about a recreation of The Great Leader's magnificent ten years.


PR insiders tell me that the series will focus heavily on the minor sex indiscretions of one of two cabinet ministers, including re-enaction of John and Tracey "doing the wild thing" in Government offices.

If that wasn't bad enough, David is portrayed humping Kimberly Quinn next door, while his black labrador Sadie looks on.

Now what in God's name is educational, instructive or funny about that?




Worse still, I understand the series will falsely portray Cherie and Carole Chaplin in a very demeaning and totally unfair light, just after Cherie is shown giving Tony his election victory special reward. To add insult to injury, Alastair will be portrayed as a prescription drug addict, popping pills while he talks to Tony from a shed at the bottom of his garden, Gordon will be shown throwing a file at Tony, and Peter will be illustrated flirting with him (Tony that is, not Gordon).

Is it any wonder then, that Cherie launched her attack on the media yesterday, claiming quite correctly that there is "no professional morality in journalism". I couldn't agree more with her rant comments that the media is "not a noble calling" and that journalists "have no ethics".

And she was quite right to slam the Press Complaints Commission for repeatedly refusing to uphold her complaints, especially about the Daily Nazi ("Hoorah For The Blackshirts").

Just look at some of the comments that leading journalists have made about The Great First Lady in recent weeks:

"The Wicked Witch is utterly shameless"

"Won't we miss that nest of hair ... that letterbox mouth"

"Scouser Cherie was on the grab, digging hot little fists into jars of free sweets".

Clearly things are getting out of hand. It was never like this when Alastair was in charge. I'd like to offer my own PR services and I'm sure I'd do a good job, but Linda won't let me put in the hours while she's left to look after Augustus. So the answer is obvious... it's time to beg Alastair to come back.

Please come back Alastair. Before the hole gets any deeper.